That Awful Quiet Time

May 17, 1997 my father passed away and was buried 15 years ago today. Not very long before that — within about seven months, I guess — I had attended funerals for a grandmother, a couple kids from school, a neighbor, and a couple relatives of one of my sisters-in-law. Not long after that —about seven months, again — I attended my niece's funeral, another neighbor's, and someone that I'm afraid to say can't come to mind right now.

Those times were filled with an awful quiet for me. A time of ... well, empty.

Since then, I've been to a few more funerals — a teacher's, a friend's, another neighbor. Later next week I'll be going to one more. One of my mom's (I hate "step-mom" so I just say "mom") sisters died May 17, 2012. Yes, that date. I looked it up to be sure. Today her husband and seven boys are taking her to a crematorium. This is another awful quiet time as we wait for details of the arrangements of the whole-family service, feeling helpless with nothing to do.

And so it goes. Two of my current neighbors, a husband and wife, have had family at hand 24-7 for almost a week now and I suspect that soon there will be another set of funerals to attend. The quiet again.

It seems May is that sort of month. My friend Honour posted today about an awful quiet in her life, the passing of Kev Sweetwater a few days ago (Web). Yes, I knew Kev, but only in a tertiary fashion. I can't say we ever exchanged more than a few words — probably about bacon. But when my friends hurt, I hurt and I share that awful quiet.

I can't think about this sort of thing in an organized fashion. Dates slip from my mind and become aches prodded by subconscious reminders at the appointed times. It was probably my subconscious that prodded when the other day I was cajoled into applying for a parcel at SL9B. On the application I promised to create a version of the Memorial Park on the Isle of Lesbos to fit an exhibitor parcel, but I let it be known that I'd be more than happy to transport a full-sized copy to take many spaces at the celebration as a memorial to all our friends in Second Life. Perhaps it can bring a bit of peace to the awful quiet.

I have a confession

Of my three brothers I am closest to CC, though I love them all dearly. To make a long story short, CC more or less raised me, shaping my values, likes, dislikes, and talents. One way he did this was teaching me to write. Not the letters, but the process of expression. When I went mute, writing became a more important way for me to communicate -- at times the most important way -- to the world. Part of the circumstances that led to me being mute made me afraid of the world, though, so while I wanted my thoughts to burst out I wanted to remain hidden.

I wrote under CC's name, on his blogs and Web sites. Often.

No, I won't put links here. He's had several blogs and most are gone. A couple remain, mostly without recent posts, and one of them is full of my writings. Some were assignments from him to keep my mind occupied when it was tearing itself apart. Others were rote exercises to keep me in tune with the world and my writing skills. But all displayed the passions within me, opening myself from a place of safety to refresh my soul.

Many of my writings were about music. Like all my brothers I adore Rock and Roll. Classics from Hendrix and Led Zep course through me as regular as my pulse, mixing with Metallica, Creed, Evanescence, and others of more recent vintage. My father gave me an appreciation of Jazz but I found the Blues and Bluegrass on my own, stretching me in new directions, encouraging me to listen to Alternative, Country, and Hip-Hop. The Masters complete me as I'm often lost in a swirl of Vivaldi or Bach that wisks me through the ordinary cares of life to a plane filled with joy.

A joy similar to what writing gives to me. So while The Poultry Report is primarily about the Virtual me in Second Life, I ask you to pardon the occasional foray into the Atomic world. So many forget there are genuine people behind the persona. Perhaps they are like me, hiding behind a non de plume, of sorts, but letting their true selves come out through their avatar. In-world I am just me. In writing, I am me and then some.

Memorial Parks

Queen Coronet: Linden Memorial Park - Now open Thanks for sharing this, Queen. Huggs.

As readers of of this blog may know, Memorial Parks are important to me in Second Life. One of the first spots I saw in the main grid was the Lydia Rose Memorial Park (one evolution pictured at left), a tribute my brother built for his daughter. A plot of land I own is now called just "Memorial Park" and is a tribute to her and others that I've been close to that have passed on. And creating the Memorial Park at the Isle of Lesbos was a both a great sorry and a great joy.

Year in Review: 2008

Apologies for the lack of posts since the first of the year. I've been busy in both lives and feeling a little bit ill in one of them. I've been doing my best to keep up with the Lucky Kitty Crew blog (Web) that I contribute to as well as commenting on other blogs. But to get back into the swing of things I thought I'd tiptoe through my photo library and grab images that leaped out for comment in a Year in Review of 2008. No particular order here and it is far from inclusive. Just some extra insights.

Coming face-t0-face with Governor Linden I learned a few things. First, Lindens really can remove themselves from the presence server. You may be able to see one, talk to one, or transfer inventory, but any scripts that depend on agent detection simply won't work. Thus, the Gov missed a hug from a really smexy lion. The second thing I learned is that Lindens really are people. The human behind this version of the Gov had trouble getting a simple giver script to run and couldn't set the box for sale at L$0. She turned down my offer of a free giver script. FYI, that is my wife, Angela, to my right with the white hair band. We wuz holdin' hands ... xtra kute.

I did quite a bit of exploring. Usually I'd grab something from a Lucky Chair then I'd wander around to see what else the region contained. That's how I found this giant sign for Sun Microsystems. Sometimes I'd just open the map and pan around looking for interesting sim names or patterns then teleport. Many blogs reported interesting places, too, that were well worth exploring. At least once a week I use the Stargate at home to find a '/drandom' place. Seeing what others are doing in-world is definitely one of my most favorite things to do.

:::sighs::: Moved a lot. This is a shot of my home in Navi. It was a bit expensive, especially compared to the sweet deal my sister Threshin gave me, but it was still rather nice. This is where Angela and I fell in love and it was her first home in-world. You'll find lots of pictures and posts about my "favorite" home throughout this blog, including later in this post. Today Angela rents a sim that we call home but in reality I have several spots I now roost, including the Isle of Lesbos, one of my first homes in-world.

It is on the Isle I have family, friends, and a job. It's a great place to laugh and play. Nary a day goes by that something silly doesn't happen to brighten my moods. A lot of remodeling had happened and I've been blessed to be part of it. I don't host events on the Isle at this time, but you'll still find me assisting with Security, building, landscaping, and being a mascot (?). Just as my blog has had many posts about my lands in 2008 you'll find many a post about the Isle if you hit the archives. Two words about this pic: Anti-Gravity Boobies.

2008 was the year I came out to my family, much to their chagrin. It may be the 21st century, but being a lesbian is still not completely acceptable. My alt also came out in 2008. I stopped keeping her secret but I don't exactly advertise who she is, either. When I "wear" her I feel like a different person in many ways, though since her outing we've become very much alike. I guess that was inevitable. Of late she's started making new products for my line of goods for tiny avatars, MicroSTUFF. Most of my tiny avatar things disappeared along with tens of thousands of L$ of other items in my inventory in 2008 but she still had her stuff so she's better off working on that line. I re-branded The Poultry Company into The PoP Department store and added a line of bikinis. Now to get off my butt and make more stuff. The region that Angela rents is not just home to me, but home to my store.

Really, though, home is where the heart is, and that is with Angela. I'm in love with her. Really. Real Life means that we can't spend a lot of time together but every moment is precious. We both find it hard to log out at day's end. She's very good to me, from letting me landscape and build the infrastructure for her region to seeking my advice on nearly everything she builds to being a fabulous cuddler and lover. We celebrated our 1st year together as a couple, spouses, and partners in 2008.

It seems I spend more time with the Lucky Kitty Crew (LKC) than I do my wife despite the many down moments. But up moments like this one make it worthwhile. A number of us were on a hunt for prize-filled flamingos and decided to all meet in one place for a breather and a pic. To my right is one of my bestest friends in-world, Serenity. She can be a blast. Lately I've been modifying LOL Cat pictures to look like her avie and posting them to the LKC blog ... or sending private ones to her. Just as she's an easy target for my humor she's also been an easy target for griefers. Remember, people: She is my friend and thus falls under my protection.

The Second Life 5th Birthday celebration was a joy because I got to do a couple things I really, really enjoy: Build and promote the Isle of Lesbos. I made an abstract miniature of the Isle so people could get a taste of the landscape, activities, entertainments, and culture of the Isle and to learn more about the lesbian lifestyle. Constant fussing and picking at this display took up more time than it should have, but I had a great time and I think it was worth it. Sure, I had to airbrush out the nipples on some classic paintings. Sure we had one (minor) griefer, but overall it was a great experience that I hope to repeat for the 6th birthday celebration.

Scenes like this should have been at the birthday party, but I didn't have the room or the prims. To me, the Furries & Friends Deck in the jungle at the Isle of Lesbos represents what I think the Isle stands for ... a peaceful, relaxing natural environment, free from most of the drama and negativity found elsewhere in-world where people can gather and just be themselves. The Deck is a microcosm of the Isle with cuddles, music, free goodies, fishing, fantasy, secret suprises, intimacy, whimsy, beauty, and so many more things. Probably my favorite place on the Isle, if you were to ask.

All that describes Grendel's Children, too, a wonderful collection of regions with the best values on innovative avatars, a fabulous landscape, and plenty of places to have a good time. The regions were remodeled in 2008 and, frankly, I prefer the previous structures (like the one shown here) but the ground level landscape still rocks (pun intended). It is a beautiful desert trying hard to be verdant. 2008's intricate cave system is gone, but it is still a wonderful visit.

My home. "Uccello's Land" at Whispering Big Pines. This was my dream home. I say that because I found that I just couldn't tweak it any more. I kept finding it was perfect, just what I wanted and needed. Many thanks to the Bestest Big Sister a girl could ever want, Threshin, for letting me live there. One day I may be able to create something simliar, but my home was more than prims and mesh landscape. It was a part of me. A part of my head and my heart and my soul. If the rest of the Grid had gone away I'm sure I could have been quiet happy here. (/me pats her Inventory knowing that the components are there, waiting to be let loose ...) I'm so glad to have had this, probably the highlight of my 2008, right after being married to my Angela. When she was there with me, life was near perfect.

This is where Angela and I live now, with several items from my previous home making this corner of the world extra special. Likely I'll be tweaking for some time to come. Just today I was doing some building and landscaping. Really, I should have been swimming and playing. Or working in my store. Three-quarters of the region is dedicated to retail space (Angela's store, mine, and some tenants) but it is spread out enough that the whole environment is inviting and attractive. I should work on an interactive element, maybe adding to the back story that the region is a former volcano undergoing succession from rock and grass to more sophisticated plants (an animals? Thinking about that one.). Thank you, Angela. I know you did this as much for me as you did for having a retail space.

Not my favorite build, but Burning Life was still fun. I dipped my brushes in every primary color paint can I could find and splashed, splashed, splashed. Many folks told me they liked it so I guess it worked. At least it gave me some ideas for Burning Life '09 if I get a spot. And it was an opportunity to experiment with scripts and wild design. Hopefully folks used it for my other intended purpose: learning about diversity and the lesbian lifestyle.

Oh, the pix I left in my inventory. I could have added a dozen more, easily. Maybe some will show up here in the future as part of another retrospective or to show how things change over time. Maybe they won't. Hopefully I'll be busy making more memories, ones as happy as those I have of 2008.