A New Resident Experience [EDIT]

EDIT [01/09/14]: Two names have been removed by request of a person named in an IM below. Note, that Second Life ToS does permit the transcript of Instant Messages on forums outside Second Life but not within the service itself. I'm doing this as a courtesy per my posted Disclaimers.

Not too long ago, I saw what looked like a new Welcome Area for new Residents on the My Second Life feeds so I thought I'd check it out since the last version I tried was horrible (see here). Much to my surprise, a brand new alt found something even worse.

Upon logging in, I found myself at a shopping area (SLurl) and learned that this spot was also my Home. What was interesting, is that Uccie logged out from that very spot while using another viewer earlier in the day. No "new Resident experience" for me.

At this point, The Lab seemed to think I'd been fully oriented because if I tried to access any of the previous Destination Islands for orientation, I was banned. Of course, a noobie wouldn't know to even look for those. They'd be lucky to find the Orientation Island Public landmark in their inventory then try to figure out what to do with it. At least the How to button was in the bottom tool bar, though as usual the only window to pop up automatically was Destinations.

For giggles, I headed to Orientation Island Public.

Immediately I was greeted by an IM from someone not even on the People Nearby list ...

[10:46] NAME REDACTED: Welcome to secondlife Sorry about my spelling. I have reported paedophiles hanging around help Island public that are stalker like commando kid, and racist that uses the island. I’m call nigger and boy for helping people, who cannot speak English, at help island public. One of the racist is NAME REMOVED and her friend Another NAME REMOVED all reported, but Linden Lab allow this kind of hate crime in SL. Its believe you cannot be physically hurt in game. But there are troll here in second life, they call there self, helpers or mentors, they are not, they will tell you to mute people, and will control your game if you let them. Do not tell them about your self, or give them information about where you live. They will put the information on the internet for there friends, all around the world to see. Perverts--man using female avatars and woman using male avatar, wait to meet young kids, That logon and arrive at the PG sims on there first day, so be careful. Oh if you need help Ask but not at help island public. 

[10:46] NAME REDACTED: If you need help badly..F1 pick Support portal And there is a Q&A box you can use. Or I have a help pack if you like to read that, it full of tips and land marks.

No help other than that. If I were truly a new Resident, I'd have no guidance whatsoever to tell me about the "IM ding" and the flashing Chat button. Someone was talking near me, but I wouldn't have known that. So I walked the route I remembered from seven years ago and got to the exit where I found four signs.

From right to left:

The Resident Help Network sign asked to open the Second Life Pic of the Day page from the public blog. Very little help there.

Governor Linden's 'OI-Help-Kiosk' offered to let me stay or to leave to some random spot on The Grid.

The rotating medallion thing gave me a note card about the Resident's Choice Awards. It was just a Web URL for the same and an embedded Landmark for the Winner's Circle. A new Resident wouldn't know about embedded Landmarks.

Another 'OI-Help-Kiosk' (far left) offered a landmark to Help Island Public.

I took the random landmark offer from the sign second from the right. It turns out that that I was to visit the Luna Oaks Gallery (SLurl), the Linden-owned shopping area for Resident lottery winners to have a free retail space. The program ended a long time ago but the last winners were not kicked out. Some actually maintain their shop, but most spaces are ancient by SL standards.

A second click earned me a landmark for Miramare, "The heard of Second Life" (SLurl). Both landmarks were made by the former Jeska Linden (now Jeska Dzwigalski). I opted instead to visit her now missing office in Ambleside (SLurl), part the Linden Bungalows, since it was listed in her profile.

All-in-all, I'd have to say that if I was a new Resident, then I'd have given Second Life about 30 minutes before logging off and looking for another diversion. Really, in a world with interactive on-demand television, iPads and Kindles, and then some, why would someone be interested in SL if this was their introduction?